Dan Smerch's guide to Binge Drinking, Chaper 1:

Everyone has their own style of drinking. I know people that can do some pretty advanced drinking techniques. If your the type of drinker who can have a few irish car bombs between beers, kudos, but I will not be covering that kind of stuff til later on. Obviously, alcohol is something you can be pretty reckless with. I could start this off with a surgeon general's warning, but.... eh.....

DAN SMERCH's GENERAL WARNING: This post and the ones following can show you how to be a successful binge drinker. Disregarding this information will most likely leave you in a 24 hour McDonalds bathroom.


Before heading out for a night soon to be filled with shots and chugging, be sure to prepare beforehand. A good meal is CRUCIAL to binge drinking. I have seen fellow BDers skip the crucial meal, and it never ends well. On the flipside, stuffing your face or eating the wrong kind of food can get ugly as well. A meal on the smallish side 1 to 2 hours before you drink is optimal. Keep carbs to a minium and make sure there is plenty of protein. Dont make the meal too big or you will be struggling to consume booze. Eat too little and you will get drunk too quick and likely end up hugging the toilet.

Avoid Beans. Beans in high quantities are about on of the worst things you can eat before a night of BDing. You will regret it that evening and the morning following. You want to avoid fast food, and especially avoid Taco Bell. Taco Bell is beans and fast food combined. If this were a guide to being hungover or being high I would endorse Taco Bell as much as possible. But for a night with numerous drinks to be consumed, avoid it like the plague. I am a fan of a roast beef sandwich and a glass of V8.

When purchasing alcohol (legally AND illegally) its important to ask yourself. How drunk do i want to get? Why do i want to drink? Who will I be drinking with? Where will I be drinking? Answering these questions is important, as they will ultimately answer the final question: What do I drink?

How drunk do I want to get? This is usually an easy answer for me and my friends... FUCKIN WASTED! Maybe you have an exam in the morning, maybe you have an early engagement, maybe you just dont want to drink that much. Here's the deal, if you were really that worried about that exam, you wouldn't be out drinking in the first place. The party animal inside you wants to be unleashed and you have to decide whether to hold on tight to the leash or just let it go. The more you drink the more likely the latter will take place. Maybe you just cage the beast for the night, and make sure you party extra hard the next night, there's no shame in that. But if you think you can just go out and have a few drinks then call it a night, thats no fun for anyone and I have no advice for you. This is Dan Smerch's guide to binge drinking, Not Dan Smerch's guide to being a little bitch.

stay tuned for the Why, Who and Where.

Thoughts in the moonlight

What is it about the nighttime? People like my parents are so different in the day than when the sun is down. During light hours, they are so productive. Anything and everything they do furthers some sort of objective, whether that objective is not far off or many years down the road. At night however, its funtime. Whether it's drinks with friends (reminiscing about the productiveness earlier that day, as if they were never going to be that productive again), or just watching a movie.

I often find myself depressed at night, wondering where my life is headed. If I have been drinking or smoking weed, the thoughts usually crossing my mind are related to either sex or food (and how to obtain either the fastest way possible). Keep in mind its not usually til an hour or two before I go to bed that these negative thoughts start bouncing around the room, but it is so consistent... why is that?

I just finished watching The Rainmaker, I always appreciate a good courtroom drama, no matter how ridiculous. At first it made me glad that I did not pursue a career in Law, I can only imagine the choices I would have had to make. I assume John Grisham touches on this subject in almost all of his novels, choosing to defend a man clearly guilty of .... well anything... just so I could put food on the table is a burden I would never ever want to bear. I would just loose my appetite, oh sweet irony.

And of course, per usual, if I watch any good movie, by myself, late at night, I get waaay too into it. My first thoughts walking away from it are along the lines of ..."I want to help people too... Corperate Execs are such awful people... I would make sure people dont get away with things like this..." Even now as reality sets in, I still feel the optimism coursing through my veins.

But... Tomorrow when I wake up, I will have no such feelings as I do now. I already know it.

I sit here, with the ache. The ache I know how to cure, but will not do so.

The ache... knowing that I have any and every ability... to help people

...knowing that I have the ability... to make a serious difference in anything that I see fit

...knowing that I can do whatever I want with my life. Then I realize, that probably...knowing is all I will ever do.

So I sit here...